Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Punter and the Tight End

A few days ago, Chris Kluwe wrote a tweet calling Peyton Manning and Drew Brees something that rhymes with whoosh drag, for possibly holding up the NFL lockout so they can get bigger contracts. More specifically, whether they could be franchise tagged. 
It was great. Players are acting like being franchise tagged if this awful punishment when in reality it allows a player to get payed a ton of money. How much money exactly? The average of the top salaries at the player's position.
So, pretty much a lot of money to anyone not named Peyton Manning (really, if you're short on money Manning, go film a commercial for TV).
So anyway, some people don't like Kluwe running his mouth. Manning and Brees can throw a ball really far and are really good at playing quarterback (and also make TV commercials that are semi-funny). So, since these two players are good at playing quarterback and are amazing and much better than you, they have the right to cost the owners, the other player, and these inconsequential people called fans, because they don't want to be paid like heart surgeons—they want to be paid like Donald Trump.
Also, some guy named Nate Jackson says punters have the same rights as Victorian women or the proles in 1984.
According to this article, punters are not allowed to talk or question other players because, "Punters are at the absolute bottom of the totem pole of an NFL roster."
I checked Nate out a bit to make sure he was qualified to know who was on the bottom of the NFL totem pole and not just some random idiot fan/pundit. Turns out he actually "played" in the NFL. Yes, Nate Jackson was a backup tight end for the Denver Broncos.
Actually, I imagine that backup tight ends are the second lowest players on the totem pole, which explains why Nate is so aggressive and acts like such a "whoosh drag" in this article.
So, after putting Kluwe in his place...wait, no, actually, Kluwe responded with this.
Ouch! So Kluwe pretty much called out Nate for being a backup who made no measurable impact in the NFL and then tells Nate how he the all-knowing mighty alpha and omega Chris Kluwe has broken records and helped his team win games.
For all intents and purposes, Chris Kluwe grabbed Nate, threw him down below him on the "totem pole" and then curb-stomped him to let Nate know that's where he belongs.
Kluwe just kicked something that wasn't a ball (Nate's butt). Kluwe called Brees and Manning out for something he believed wrong and then, when he was attacked and demeaned for his position on the issue (also his position as a player), he swung back and won.
Now everyone thinks that Nate Jackson is a troll and that Chris Kluwe is a hero. Because of this, punters/women/proles everywhere may be allowed to express their opinion more freely.
Also, Nate and people like him might think next time before he makes a "whoosh drag" of himself. We can only hope. 

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